A Testimony of Healing

The past few weeks have been utterly surreal.  As schools and businesses shut down around us to prevent further spread of COVID-19, a spirit of anxiety lurks in the hearts and minds of many.  During times such as this, it can be easy to give in to the darkness.  To believe that we are utterly helpless, defenseless, and hopeless.

Amid constant reminders to "wash your hands", "don't touch your face!", and "maintain social distance, the fact remains that we still know very little about this virus that is shutting down modern life as we know it.  And as much as we love to stay at home with all of our modern comforts, for some this feels more like a retreat than a fight.

As I look at the news reports, daily updates, and rising statistics of both infections and mortalities, I experience a sinking feeling.  A knot in my chest.  I lose sleep (or, at least, more than my norm).  Perhaps you feel it, too.  For me, these feelings are old hat, but some people may be experiencing them for the first time.

Times like these have always drawn me back to my faith, and this recent pandemic is no different.  In spite of the ever-rising numbers of positive cases and death counts, the Lord keeps reminding me of times when I have prayed for, witnessed, and experienced healing.  It's ironic, but perhaps one of my tales can increase someone's faith and bring some encouragement today.

I keep being reminded of an outreach to Mexico that I attended in 2013.  It was a part of a ministry training program I attended through Youth With A Mission Denver.  While there, about five girls, including me, contracted a mysterious stomach virus at the same time.  We all woke up one morning with flu-like symptoms and fevers, too sick to go out and do ministry for the day.  More than likely, we picked it up through something we ate at the local food court.  But regardless of how it happened, we were all miserable.

We were told to stay behind and one of the team leaders made arrangements to get us all to the doctor that morning.  While I wanted answers and medicine to feel better, I also remember being nervous about the doctor's visit.  To be honest, I knew exactly how little was in my bank account.  And during that season of my life, I did not have health insurance.  (Though, likely, it would not have mattered in a foreign country either way.)

A girl on our team who was not sick came and prayed over all of us before leaving for the day's outreach.  I remember my teammates lying in sleeping bags all around me, too sick to move.  I was sitting up cross-legged, overheated, weak, and dizzy.  But as Sarah prayed, the strangest thing happened.  The longer and more powerfully she called out to God on our behalves, the less warm I felt.  My dizziness subsided.  And my fever broke by the time she had finished praying.

(By the way, I don't believe I've ever told my friend Sarah this story.  And she did not physically lay hands on any of us while she was praying to protect herself from catching the virus.  So there's no way she even realized what God was doing at that moment.)

When we went to the doctor's office, I was seen last out of the five patients.  By then, I felt almost like myself.  Even the doctor commented that I didn't seem as sick as the others.  He decided to forego the shot that all my friends had needed, which meant I had enough funds in my bank account to cover both the visit and the medications I needed.

While I know there is no guarantee of what will happen next with this new strain of coronavirus, and while my previous experience does not equal present-day events, there are a few things of which I am sure-

• I know that the healing power of Jesus is real.  It was real in biblical times, and it is just as real now.
• I know that God is bigger than this global pandemic.
• I know that nothing escapes my God.  And that He is with me in times of trouble.
• I know that Jesus is a man familiar with suffering.  And that He saves.

So while I do not have answers and there is no way to fully predict the future, please remember, friends, to look back and remember who God has already proven Himself to be.  He is the same He always was, even when our world completely shuts down and falls apart.

Bicycles Aren't Even For One

"Do something that scares you every day."

I have always liked this quote because it's a pretty attainable goal for me.  See, I am afraid of almost everything.  What fear did I conquer [sort of] today, you may ask?  Biking.

That's right.  One of my biggest fears in life is riding a bicycle.  There, I said it aloud.  *Phew* that's really been eating me up inside.

The story begins: a good friend of mine asked me to take a couple of letters to the mailbox and assured me biking was the easiest/quickest way to get there from her house.  Oh, little does she know.

Attempt 1 at take-off: I freak out and slam my feet to the sidewalk.  (Yes, I KNOW bikes aren't supposed to be on the sidewalk.  Don't judge me.  I don't judge you.)

Attempt 2: I almost swerve into the grass.  I mutter under my breath "I hate bikes."  The boy mowing the lawn across the street looks up concerned.

Attempt 3: Success!  But the water bottle attached to the bike frame falls to the ground.  Oh well.  Whoever falls behind stays behind!

As I steady the handle bars and start up the street, I ease my way to the right.  After a few blocks I decide maybe this isn't such a big deal.  Suddenly I look at the street signs.  I've turned the wrong way and need to turn around.  Blast.

I turn around and back-track all the way to the street I started from and begin traversing in the CORRECT direction.  Now there are patches of gnats to drive through.  At first they just go round my sunglasses.  After about 5 patches of gnats, however, they are smart enough to get behind my protective eye wear.  Now it's war.

Now, here's a car backing slooooooowwwwwwwwwwwly out of the driveway and the pathway is obstructed by another parked car immediately after.  Didn't anybody's father teach them to always leave a path?!?

Now I've reached the destination described by my friend..wait..I've surpassed it.  I pull into a bank parking lot to make a wide arc to turn around, go over some patches of grass, miss-aim, and must slam on the brakes to avoid going head-first over a curb.

WHY AM I SO BAD AT BIKES?!?!

After my outburst (Yes, I did outburst.  This is real life.) I finally successfully put the letters in the mailbox and turn around to head home.  At which point it starts raining.

Why is it always raining?

Positives:

1. The letters made it into the mail. 
2. I tried my best.
3. I built extra recreation into my day.
4. Using a bicycle instead of a car helped the environment.  You know, the one that decided to pour on me.  Ungrateful.
5. I've been re-inspired to blog.

As I walked my way back to my friend's house, I saw her getting out of her car on the way to get me.  At least she is a loyal friend.  Also, after walking inside and changing into ultra comfy snowflake covered pj pants I ate chocolate M&M's, just as I learned from Professor Lupin in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

What will YOU do to challenge yourself this week?

Too heavy for a first date?

Before the ends of most of our lives, the majority of us will become parents. This truth has been dawning on me slowly but surely for some time now, leaving me with fewer and fewer excuses to avoid the issue. Even last week, while watching the children's movie Matilda and attempting to relive my childhood, I could not help but notice the young Mara Wilson's precocious buttons and ribbons in her hair, imagining a daughter of mine skipping off to school dressed like her. But, I have always been a stubborn one, and so, here is my most recent reasoning as to why I am still unprepared to be a mother:


I do not have enough spices in my spice rack to be a Mother.


No really. I'm serious. A mom always know what spices to buy ahead of time so that whenever she's cooking, or whenever she asks her lovely visiting recent-college-grad daughter to cook during her weekend home, there is always that little container of ground cumin hidden waaaay in the back of the pantry that's fallen off of the already fully stocked Lazy Susan. Whenever I try to look up a new recipe online, I have to run to Publix next door for a few random items that I would never anticipate needing. I mean, who normally keeps fresh basil leaves in their house JUST IN CASE they randomly decide to be whimsical and whip up some pesto for dinner?!?


And furthermore, bandaids. I currently have a box in my medicine cabinet with 2 remaining. And they are those big awkward kinds that are only good for roller-blading accidents, not minor paper cuts like my baby might encounter! I mean, these bandages are too big for my minor nicks with a razor, let alone a tiny person!


And just now, my roommate asked for hydrocortisone cream. Who thinks to buy that stuff? But if I had a kid, they would be pretty likely to find a random fire ant hill and need some. And who has the time to run out to Walgreens impromptu when they have a crying kid on their hands?! This is way too stressful. I am not ready for all this stress. Even speculating worries me.



Quote of the Day:
Kate's Mom: Not all of us are as supportive of your alternative lifestyle.
Kate: Being single is NOT an alternative lifestyle, Mother.
--Baby Mama

When you're here, you're in the family.

January the 2nd, 2011: It was the second day of the first year of my retirement from private investigation. I parked my blue Nash Metropolitan Convertible and walked around the perimeter of the Olive Garden, making sure everything was secure before meeting my cohorts. Force of habit.

I sat down between my two partners from the Force. To my right, sat Moonlight Goose, the eyes of the operation. To my left, Buffalo Betty reclined, the brawn of the operation. Me, the Jellicle Cat, I was the ears of the operation. Operation Soup, Salad, and Breadsticks, that is.

We were never much for small talk, so we surveyed the rabble surrounding the establishment. Moonlight Goose pointed out a shifty broad in a sparkling blue Corvette that looked familiar. None of us could place her, but made a note in the back of our minds to be on the lookout. Something was in the air that night at the Olive Garden. Was it garlic butter? Or just the stench of mediocre Italian food consumed by ordinary church-goers on a Sunday evening?

The Hostess called our number. She said, plain and simple, "This is your table, should you choose to accept it."

We were in no place to argue; the joint was jumpin'. Jumpin' full of Ukranians! Ukranian spies, that is. I saw him in the other room, Fyodor Chauvinistikov, sippin' on his vodka tonic and sucking down a plate of calamari. Surrounded by his entourage of Russian lady-friends, he acted as if this were an ordinary day in the USSR.

He wasn't foolin' Buffalo Betty. "There is no Olive Garden at the USSR!" Her first instinct was to knock him into next Thursday.

But the waitress had other plans. When the Hostess had left, assuring us that Ingrid would be stopping by our table shortly, we were expecting a leggy blonde. Our suspicions that something was up were confirmed when a plump Hispanic dame came to take our drink orders. Knowing we needed to keep our wits about us with all this riff raff swarmin' the joint, we just ordered a round of waters.

As we awaited "Ingrid's" return, a mother at the table adjacent to ours suddenly burst out, "Did you put tape on your watch?!" What did it mean? There was no way of knowing. But no one would say something that ridiculous that loudly.

Moonlight Goose leaned in and whispered, "The duck flies at midnight." It was our code from the good old days back in 2010. Buffalo Betty and I both responded with, "Only on Tuesdays," to confirm that all of our radars were up, and my earpiece was engaged.

The waitress extricated herself from a somber parade of Ukranians exiting the establishment. She was bearing three drinks, but no straws. After taking our orders, she turned toward the kitchen, but then paused.

"The bread is in the oven."

She said it pointedly, her eyes slanted. It meant something.

We had a lot of questions, but no answers. So I decided to take matters into my own hands. I got up and headed into the next room for a chat with Chauvinistikov, but was intercepted by The Gimp. The Gimp was a notorious hitman before that "accident" in the Alps, which left him in desperate need of a career change. I wasn't surprised in the least to find him bussing tables at the Olive Garden. He took me forcefully by the forearm and growled, "How are the breadsticks?" I was no novice. I looked him square in the eye and stated, "In the oven."

He surveyed me for quick moment, then asked, "You gotta reservation?"
"Who's askin'?"
"Chauvinistikov's askin'."
"Well, you tell him that I gotta tell him about the Toscana."
"The Toscana?" he repeated incredulously.
"It's kinda spicy. Tell him not to try."

The Gimp glared and sauntered up to the lousy Son-of-a-Czar and delivered the message. Chauvinistikov's expression remained inscrutable. He sent his lackey back to me to tell me, "He says you can't see him without a reservation."

I returned to my table silently, my head all in a jumble. I related the exchange to Moonlight Goose and Buffalo Betty, but we were no closer to crackin' the case than before the soup was served. Moonlight Goose lamented how rusty we all were after being outta commission for so long. Buffalo Betty replied, "Well at least these guns ain't rusty!"

Immediately following this exclamation, there was an explosion as the doors between the two rooms bust open! The woman with the taped watch squealed, "HE'S GOT A GUN!" amidst screams from small children and cheesy Italian accordion over the loudspeaker.

Chauvinistikov stood in the doorway and said real quiet, "I'm waitin' on a vodka tonic at number nine."

Ingrid, who had failed to bring us a refill on our waters, suddenly reappeared outta nowhere and said, "You're table's not in my section, so you best sit yourself back down." She turned to us surreptitiously and tapped her head with a guest check folder before turning to stare down the womanizing mobster. We took that as the cue to prepare for whatever was comin' next. Buffalo Betty pulled a bazooka out of her knee-high, Moonlight Goose drew her lucky Derringer out of her Coach bag, and I quickly fashioned a shiv out of a drinking straw and Splenda packets.

The waitress and the mobster stood sizin' each other up. Finally, Ingrid broke the tension. "The jig is up, Fyodor. You've been caught red-handed. We tracked down the bootleg copies of Tetris you've been launderin' for years, and your underground stash of Stradivarius violins."

"You betrayed me, Ingrid." the cold-hearted criminal whispered, lowering his gun.

"You brought this on yourself," she said. "Why couldn't you have just stopped at selling tickets to the ballet?"

She pulled some handcuffs out of her pocket and moved to arrest the man. But suddenly, he had a change of heart. Chauvinistikov snapped back into his power stance and said, "Get back to your section or I'll pump your guts full of salad and breadsticks!"

Suddenly, a waiter-in-training turned up to deliver a lemon dessert to the table directly behind Chauvinistikov. He innocently began gabbing to the couple at the table about the delicious lemon drop candy on top of the dish. "Lemon drop?!" Chauvinistikov roared in dismay. He turned on reflex and shot at the waiter. In that flash of a second, Ingrid made her move. She karate-chopped the gun from the mobster's grip and handcuffed him all in one swift motion.

"Happy New Year, you filthy animal," she whispered into his ear. The pair left amidst the cheers of the civilians.

As for the three of us, well, we collected our Andes mints and headed for the door. "I remember when every day was like that," Moonlight Goose mused.

"Fellas, I think it's about time we admit we're gettin' too old for this."

We walked in disquieted silence, when suddenly Buffalo Betty piped up,

"I vote Old Country Buffet next time!"

We shared one last laugh as we parted ways. There was a crossword puzzle that needed solvin' at home.

Why is it STILL raining?!

No new insights today, friends. I have an anecdote. A rather lengthy anecdote. This is The Ranch Diaries of Angie. Let me know what you think of my memoirs.

A family friend asked me to watch their ranch and check on their animals while they go on vacation this week. Even though the drive is far out (about 40 minutes or so), I have the free time during this summer of unemployment, and they assured me that I would only need to travel out there every other day. So I agreed. Now, the hour-by-hour forecast for today claimed that it would most likely rain around 3pm today, so I got ready really quickly after discovering this prediction and headed out around 1:30pm. Well, while I was driving over, it began raining. Perfect. But I kept trying to maintain a healthy outlook, thinking that perhaps the storm was moving toward my town AWAY from the ranch.

WRONG.

I arrived at the front gate around 2pm and it was raining so hard that I couldn't even motivate myself to attempt to get out to open the gate at first. So I proceeded to sit in their front drive like a cr33p hoping that the rain would slow down. After listening to about 3 songs on the radio, I decided that I was really craving a Coke. I contemplated driving back into town to a nearby[-ish] Taco Bell, but then figured that since I had driven all the way out there and that they had given me a key to their house, my friends would not begrudge me a drink in these turbulent times. So I braved the gateway and proceeded to be completely drenched before I even had the chance to meet any of the animals.

Well, that opportunity was soon upon me. When I pulled up to the house, my second Task was to side-step 3 cows that were huddling under the over-hang for shelter. Luckily, they didn't give me much trouble as I entered. I quickly identified the Coca-cola I was looking for, and also found the dryer. I decided that since the weather wasn't promising to let up anytime soon, why not sit through a dry-cycle and attempt to re-claim some dignity, or at least some comfort? So I hung out in this house on a ranch in the middle of the HickTown of my area in my undergarments drinking a Coke for 25 minutes of a dryer cycle.

While I had plenty of time to sit by myself and think, as none of my friends seemed available for a phone chat, I tried my very hardest to apply the principles I wrote about in my blog last month. So I asked myself: What is great about this situation? Well, it's pretty peaceful out here, listening to all the frogs sing to the rain. And thank God I found that dryer AND a Coke, which I did not have to pay for. And, I really don't have much to do at home, so at least I am not sitting around my own home bored, as I have been for much of the summer. So my day was looking pretty decent on the whole.

It was at this point that the rain had dwindled to a slow dribble and my dryer was finished, so I figured it was a safe time to venture out. I relocated to the other house on the property, as it was closer to the majority of the animals, and hung out on the porch for a bit, waiting for the rain to stop completely. After composing an entire improvised song to my best friend whom I could not call to kill time because she is currently in Lebanon, I checked the time and realized that it was now almost 4 o' clock and I really just want to get these animals fed so I could get the heck home. And so, I pulled on the largest pair of concrete boots I could find next to the porch and began trudging around the property, making my rounds to all the inhabitants of the Ranch.

First of all, can I just say that cows always be all up in my bidness. I had to fend them off while feeding the rabbits, to the point where the poor bunnies were so sad that it was raining in their hutch that I neglected to close because Olde Bessie wanted a piece of whatever food I happened to be feeding to the rabbits. But Bessie didn't stop there. Oh no. When I fed the horses, she recruited a friend and blocked me into the horse pen. I had been warned of this potentially happening, though, and threw them some hay as a distraction so I could escape and tend to the others.

Then, I began my search for Baby Klondike. Klondike is officially the only cow on this Ranch that I like. This poor calf has trouble with her legs, so I was asked to find her and give her a bottle of food because she has trouble standing long enough to eat enough on her own. So I trudged up and down the land trying to find Baby Klondike and could not find her anywhere. Mind you, it's still been raining all this time. So now I'm covered in hay and drenched and I'm sloshing around in outrageously large concrete boots yelling to the air that I will NEVER EVER in my entire life live on a farm or a ranch or a rodeo! And my poor innocent inner-child was screaming at the universe: WHY IS IT STILL RAINING?!

After a bit, I gave up on finding the calf and decided it was time to get the heck outta this place. So I headed up to the front of the Ranch again to feed the pigs and then collect the mail and drive far FAR AWAY. Well, go figure, I couldn't find the pig food. And of course, by now, the cows [minus Klondike] have decided to graze right up next to the pigs. At this point I have no more patience, no more positive thoughts, and I'm really really frustrated. I tried to call the Ranch Owner to ask him where to find the food, but neither he nor his wife answered. I traveled back to check both houses to make sure I hadn't missed it, but found nothing. Finally, I broke down and called my Mom. And it was then that I could no longer repress my inner-child and began to cry.

After a bit more searching, my Mother called me a second time and this time, while on the phone with her, I discovered a secret compartment in the pigs' house that I hadn't noticed before that contained their food. It's amazing that I didn't get electrocuted whilst standing in the rain, talking to my Mom, crying, and finding pig fodder. But I hung up and brought the buckets round to feed the silly pigs.

As I turned around to get out of the pigpen, triumphant from the completion of my Final Task, I ran into about 5 cows who were now trying to get into the pigs' food! Seriously, these cows are just greedy little biotches [to quote Juno]! I tried to throw handfuls of pellets at them, but they just stared at me, blinking through the rain. Well, I had come too far to be stuck in a pigpen for another THREE hours [it was now 5:15 or so]. So I pulled the back gate back as much as I possibly could, and used it to climb over the back fence, dodging both a malicious-looking yellow spider and barbed wire that temporarily snagged my concrete boot.

Finally, feeling as weighed down as Frodo carrying the Ring of Power into Mordor, I pulled my Tahoe back through the double gates of the Ranch. I trudged up to the edge of the street to get the mail, and a man passing by in his car proceeded to honk at me.

Really?! You cannot convince me that I looked in any way alluring at this point in time, with my crummiest pair of jeans tucked into muddy galoshes, my hair piled on my head in a soggy dripping mess, and my shirt and arms covered in horse's hay. But hey, whatever gets ya goin, I guess.

So the moral of the story is: Never, ever get a cow for a pet.

Always look on the bright side of life!

At times when I get really stressed I tend to lose focus on the more positive things of life. I think this happens to most everyone. Well a few days ago, I was talking with my fun uncle, who also happens to be a counselor, and in conversation, I mentioned to him that a friend of mine had once labeled me as "malcontented." I am not very fond of this label because it's not really how I perceive myself and not the best way to be perceived by others. So here is the advice my uncle gave me.

He told me that there are 3 main aspects to altering your perception of your life. The first is Physiology. Maintaining good posture helps you to maintain a healthy outlook. He claims that studies have been done that indicate that it is physically impossible to hold onto a negative thought while sitting up straight. Try it right now, I dare you!

The second thing we can alter is our Focus. It's the whole mind over matter principle. We can choose to focus on a different aspect of a problem to maintain a positive outlook. For example, I went to this coffee shop today called the Daily Grind. I went up to the counter and asked the woman working if they were hiring. When she informed me that they were not, I said, "OK, well I will order a coffee anyway!" After ordering a delicious espresso blend of caramel, macadamia nuts, and mocha, the woman decided to take down my name and phone number in case any jobs become available in the future! I wasn't really trying to win her over or anything, I just wanted to make the most of the situation.

My favorite part of this discussion with my uncle, was when he told me that he used to be a "glass half-empty kinda guy" himself. So when he learned these principles, he trained himself to start looking at a potentially crappy situation and saying to himself, "What is great about this situation?" He then told me an anecdote. He said that one day he was leaving his office in the city to travel several hours to his farmhouse home. It was the middle of winter in a northern state. When he left his office, it was 4 degrees outside. Not only was it 4 degrees, but he was wearing thin clothing in order to be business-appropriate. He started driving home in an old crummy car that doesn't have a functioning heating system. And of course, on the way back, this diesel car broke down. He was still miles from home in the freezing cold.

So he asked himself, "What's great about this situation? Well, I've got an awesome wife back home that I can depend on to answer the phone! Also, the stars out here are amazing! I would never have been able to see these in the city with all the light pollution!" Apparently, he spent a good amount of time admiring God's creation and praying while waiting for his wife to come help him get home. I love how even though being positive didn't change his circumstances, he was able to have a good experience and a great story because he altered his focus.

The final way we can think more positively is by altering our Language. While expression is important, the words we choose to use affect our outlook as well as reflect how we are thinking. If our first reaction whenever our car breaks down or we're forced to do that job we hate (for me, it's vacuuming), or we don't get that thing we really really wanted is "This sucks," then we will continue to perpetuate the thought that "this sucks." But if we begin to hold back those types of statements and think about the positive possibilities this opportunity presents, we can begin to see the world from a fresh perspective.

So from here on out, I vow to view challenges in life not as obstacles, but as opportunities. Because when one thing just doesn't seem to be working out, it opens up the possibility for something new and good to take place.


Quote of the Day:
"Hey, I started out mopping the floor just like you guys. But now... now I'm washing lettuce. Soon I'll be on fries; then the grill. And pretty soon, I'll make assistant manager, and that's when the big bucks start rolling in. "
-Maurice, Coming to America

There's Beauty in the Breakdown

A very good and wise friend of mine once told me that I need to let things go. That I hold onto things that hurt me for too long. After some thought, I decided he was right and took steps to apply this idea. And since my blog tends to be epiphany-driven, I wanted to share with my readers.

The only problem is: how do I write about how to let go? Most things in life are a process, but letting go is just something we have to do.

See I started to make a list, but this is all I got:


Step 1. Let it go.
Step 2. Don't let the hatas stop you from doin' yo thang!


Crap always happens in life. We decide what we do with it. Sometimes we bring it on ourselves and look back and say, "Man, I was a freakin idiot for doing that!" Other times people just treat us like crap because they have no respect for others. But in the end, we can't stop how anyone treats us. We can't stop life from happening and not everything in our lives is wonderful. But life keeps going. And so must we.



Quotes of the Day:

"That's life. Sometimes it f*$&ing hurts. But it's sorta all we've got."
-Sam, Garden State


“So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel ok about them.”

-Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower


And to close, a song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgcIpKL86Jk